i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
