I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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