Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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