where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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