I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
