You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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