Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Randomize
