last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
