I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
