I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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