I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
