If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
