He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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