She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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