so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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