Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
