His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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