I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
