I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
