Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
