Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
