Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm at about main and main street
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
