I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
