Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
