I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
