he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
