i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
