"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm at about main and main street
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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