You smell like a Billy Joel song
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
