I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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