she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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