Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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