I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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