Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
