My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's rum buckets o'clock
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
