So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i think i have herpe
just one?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
