I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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