i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
