my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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