Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
