I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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