1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
