this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
