I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
