my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
