Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
