I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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