Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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