Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
even my farts smell like vagina
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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