I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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