we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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