I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
